Orion's Void

The good news is, that I had 1 lucid dream this week. The bad news is that I can’t stop having nightmares about spiders.

The lucid dream and spiders

The dream began with me at some random train station. I don’t know how I became lucid, but I think it was the nonsensical text in a newspaper I was holding. The newspaper turned into a virtual map with a few random checkpoints. One of them was Berlin and that’s where I decided to go. Upon tapping the waypoint, I teleported to a cinema where a very strange action movie was playing. The main focus of the movie was on a superhero who vaguely looked like the Omni-Man. I recall that in one moment he transformed into a small blinking red sticker and attached himself to an airborne nuclear missile. Thereafter, the scene changed, and I was transported to a familiar neighborhood with talking cars from the Cars movie. I don’t remember the thrilling conversation we had, but what I do remember is the 3 giant brown spiders eating a dead deer. Since that night, I have been having nightmares about spiders being in my proximity. Only though when I attempt having lucid dreams. My technique consists mainly of auto suggestions and visualizations. Maybe I just had a stressful week and it’s projecting into my subconscious.

My new skincare routine

So I finally started caring about how I look. It’s not like I’m dressing like a hobo, haha. I think that my fashion is A-OK, my skin, though? Not so much… So I did a bit of research and found a budget-friendly solution for my face. I bought a foaming cleanser by CeraVe and my experience so far is as follows. My skin got worse a little worse, many new breakouts and dry skin around my nose and chin. Google measured me, though that is a normal process of the cleansing. I also started using less of the gel and I see small improvements already. Many red spots are fading away, and the dryness is getting better. This process will, of course, take more weeks before I see some actual results.

Rant about friendship

What is friendship? I’m not the right person to ask this question. I never really had any real friends. The people I considered to be my friends were mostly in the online world, but that wasn’t a friendship, really. We were hanging out because we happened to play the same video game at that time. Gaming buddies is a more appropriate term. In school, I never had any friends because of my different and eccentric behavior. I admit, I was a weird kid. Even though I was sometimes very difficult to work with, I had a few good classmates who liked me for who I was. People who were willing to overlook my flaws and help me grow, and shine. Magda Š., Lucas V., Patrick J., are people I considered to be my friends at that time in primary school even though we weren’t doing anything together after school. In high school, I had only one friend who was just another good classmate. It was the only person I could talk to because other classmates were genuine assholes.

I was still behaving a little out of the ordinary, but not as much as I used to. Or at least I believe so… I was very vocal with my opinions about others. Which eventually lead to a fight with one of them. I didn’t mean to be rude to others. I just voiced my dissatisfaction with them being loud and obnoxious during classes. That guy got expelled not long after, by the way. I remember one classmate I was kinda cool with at the start of Corona, we played video games together during lockdowns. That was until he purposely misunderstood one of my messages sent over Discord, and he just imploded.

Then there was Thomas. Thomas was a superb classmate, but not a friend. Our common interest was once again video games and later self-improvement. We played video games, hung out and studied together before important exams. Thomas really helped me out with math. I struggled with math, mainly because I find it boring and useless. Wow! Solving imaginary problems with no real-world application, what a thrilling subject! Anyway, the reason I retrospectively don’t consider Thomas to be a friend of mine is because he acted very distant and cold. I felt like I had to initiate most of the conversations and hang-outs. Which would be cool if he did not act so meek. He rarely shared things from his personal life. I wonder if I ever said something mean that offended him. I don’t think he would tell me anyway… By the way, I mix past and present tense here and there because as of writing this I still did not graduate, and I’m still in contact with Thomas.

Update about the newsletter

Next weekend I will try setting up a self-hosted solution for newsletters. I think it would be a cool little addition for this blog.

Giving Ghost another shot

I’m trying to use Ghost once again. It is fairly limited in terms of customization, but the UI is clean and very pleasant. The article editor is a bit better than the one on WordPress. For now, I will be publishing both on stellarsoda.com and stellarorion.com. At least until the end of this month. Maybe I will find out that I just need to polish my WordPress theme more, install a different text editor and I will be just as happy, haha.

Delayed updates

I’m sorry for posting my weekly updates so late recently. I’m currently busy with personal things and school, as I’m in my graduate year of high school. Likewise, I will do my best to post more frequently in the future.

Songs I loved this week

• Pedro — Raffaella Carrà
• 99 Luftballons — Nena
• Sharp Dressed Man — ZZ Top
• Foundation Style — Selecta J-Man & Mc Spyda